So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
