She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
