Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
