I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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