dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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