Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
