would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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