so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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