Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
