I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
