He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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