i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
