my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
