Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
