You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
50% drunk capacity currently
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
