True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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