I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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