Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
