Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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