Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
