So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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