she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize