I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
