he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
