your thong is hanging out like whoa
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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