part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
