Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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