Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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