felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
