Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
