if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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