And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
