So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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