all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
