found the other keg... it's in the tree
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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