Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
