Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize