You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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