we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
