The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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