sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
