Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
