Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
