She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
