is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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