how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize