I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
