He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
