I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
