i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
