Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
