Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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