woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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