I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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