That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
