Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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