My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Michael Bay diarrhea
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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