Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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