Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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