a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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