rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
