If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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