I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize