That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
