I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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