No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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