perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
