Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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