the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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