My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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