She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
