At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize