hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize