if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
