guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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