I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
how drunk are you?
Several
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
