Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Will you blow on my dice?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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