How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
