Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
