i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
