you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize