Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
