My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
