wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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