My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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