you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
