I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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