Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
