Your face is a jimmy john
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
