I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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