I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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