Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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