im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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