He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
then he tried to convert me to islam
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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