...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
