she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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