I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
