Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
