I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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