These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
